New Year and New Changes

January 7, 2015 

So after over a year of planning and thinking and waiting (I first wrote privately about it in November 2013), I am so happy to announce that we are, as of this month, trying to conceive baby #3!

Lets look at the goals I set back then and see where we stand today:

to do’s

finish bedrooms and entry way

buy a vehicle that fits three car seats

move to day shift

finish classes for bsn with clinical component

small goals

buy and install reverse osmosis water filter

dental check up

buy life insurance

fitness goals

get back to goal weight!

consciously eat healthier

eliminate soda

increase vegetables

start juicing 

stop ordering out (a lot)

start practicing yoga again

The bedrooms and entryway are mostly finished and we are using all of them. The only work that remains is to refinish the floors in our bedroom and the upstairs entryway.

I have a down payment saved for my new family vehicle and with our trade ins we are financially ready at this point. We're just now looking around for a good deal and this is something that can wait a few months. Also, I realized money was a huge stress on my mind. When I had Abby, I didn't have any paid maternity leave and it really drained our finances, and I was tired of worrying about money month to month. The last half of last year and now this year was spent straightening out or finances. I calculated how much I would need saved to cover my bills when I wasn't working and set a plan to accomplish that. I also decided on how much of a down payment I would feel comfortable with for a family vehicle. One of those goals has been accomplished and I'm only a few weeks away from the other. We also took a long hard look at our bills and made some cuts and sacrifices to lessen the pinch every month.

I moved to day shift at work a few months ago. This is the one I was most nervous about and its a big check! Now we have more baby sitting options.

All of the small goals have been accomplished for some time now. The filter has been in for a year, I've had life insurance for months and I even now have a retirement plan. Yay adult things!

One huge thing that I'm so so excited about is that Jeff finally quit smoking a year ago. I fell like he's so much healthier and it's so much better for our children and any future children. I hated that smell of smoke and what he was doing to his body. During my other two labors, he had to keep excusing himself to go smoke and then would come in with the smoke still on him. I hated it. I'm so unbelievably proud of him now and grateful that he did this for our family. 

As far as my health, between January and June of last year I lost 54 lbs, finally reaching 1lb above my goal weight. Since then I have gained back about 10lbs. I really did not watch what I ate at all or even try to exercise over the past few months so I'm excited that 10lbs is all I gained. Honestly I've never had trouble losing weight, but the second I hit my goal, I bounce right back up to what I was before. 

What I'm Doing Now

Since this cycle began and I knew we were actively going to start trying, I have really turned my diet around. I've detoxed from coffee (the worst), I'm eating small healthy meals about four times a day and snacking on super healthy things only like apples with peanut butter, hummus and pita (or hummus on my finger...) and lots of greek yogurt with fruit. 

I scored a really good deal on a nice blender on Target.com that's supposed to come in tomorrow, and I plan on making healthy smoothies once a day.  

Earlier this week I also started practicing yoga daily. I'm so sad that I let this fall by the wayside this past year. On the other hand, the last time I practiced I hadn't reached my weight loss goal and was 30lbs heavier than I am now and I'm finding it so much easier. I remember from my last pregnancies that in the 3rd trimester the body releases something called relaxin (a hormone) that helps relax the pelvic muscles and ligaments in preparation for birth and it makes you super stretchy and bendy, so I can't wait to see how that affects my practice!

It's amazing how easy it is to change your lifestyle for someone else, compared to changing it for yourself. 

Preparing for Pregnancy Pre-Pregnancy

I've been taking prenatals intermittently since the summer, but since were actively trying now, I switched to a chewable one that has fish oil to help the baby's brain grow (there are also tons of other reasons and benefits for both mom and baby) after being inspired by a chapter in The Healthy Pregnancy Book by Dr. Sears on the benefits of Omega-3s. I love my prenantal. Except for the fact that it doesn't contain iron. I've never had a problem with anemia or bleeding but I feel that iron is important to have on board, so today I bought Slow-Fe, or a slow release iron supplement. 

On top of the prenatal and iron, I've started drinking 8oz of pure pomegranate juice a day and at least one cup of raspberry leaf tea a day which I will continue throughout my upcoming pregnancy. Raspberry leaf tea has a gazillion benefits for conception, pregnancy and just women's reproductive health in general including overall uterine health, less painful periods, and shorter easier labors. More are listed here. I first heard about drinking pomegranate juice when we were trying to conceive Abby, and the cycle I started was the cycle we got pregnant. Its rich in antioxidants and overall thought to be crazy good for you, but specifically its thought to thicken the lining of the uterus and increase blood flow to the uterus promoting implantation. 

I've also already been to my doctor for a check up and "preconception counseling," which basically just included him telling me basic pregnancy info. Being my 3rd pregnancy almost I really knew all of the stuff he was saying. I weighed in there at 185 and he made a comment that I was up 8lbs from the month prior when I saw my primacy for asthma exacerbation. So now my goal is to be 177 at my first prenatal visit. 

So as of Today...

Ovulation is coming, I can feel it but I haven't had a + ovulation test yet, which I'm really not expecting until tomorrow or Friday. We've started trying anyway, just incase. And because it's fun (lol). The next time I can test is in 16 days.

Last month we weren't actively trying but had already ditched the birth control. Our timing wasn't anywhere close to ovulation but it was still exciting buying those tests again and waiting and waiting... for the negative. 

For emotions? Excited! I can't wait to be pregnant again. I honestly love it. I love the anticipation of waiting for labor, and I even love labor and delivery. I can't wait to be the mother of a newborn again and then watch that child grow and become a unique being. But also... Nervous! Oh my God are we seriously talking about another child? That's three children! Sam and Abby are only 3 1/2 and 2, they're practically babies! But on the other hand... Confident and calm. This is our third child. I know pretty much what to expect. And I'm 27 now. When I was 23 and first pregnant with Sam, I knew nothing about babies children or family dynamics. Since he has been born I really dove into natural and gentle pregnancy, birth and child raising philosophy and I just feel better prepared. 

Hopes for this Pregnancy

We always said that now that we have one boy and one girl, if we decided to have a third we wouldn't find out the gender. I still hope to do this but I don't know if we'll be able to hold out!

I'm hoping to continue healthy eating and practicing yoga throughout my pregnancy. 

My last delivery was all natural, so I'm hoping to do that again. I also want to try to push in a different position and maybe catch the baby myself. I'm thinking since it's my 3rd, and second with the same doc, maybe he'll say ok. 

For the more superficial: I want to do weekly updates! I have like one picture of myself pregnant! I have a tripod now so I really want to try for weekly updates here and see the both of us grow.

So that's all the news for now. Hopefully this first month is the month! 

A Quick Potty Update

     So Sam has been potty trained for about 4 months now (it seems like a lot longer than that). In the last potty post I had made a few goals that we were still looking to hit. As for now, he will mostly say when he has to go to the bathroom, but if he's doing something really fun he'll totally lie and say "no" even if he's doing a full on potty dance.

     I'm working with him now on pulling his pants up and down but he still needs a lot of help. It's hard to watch him trying to do it on his own when I know that I can just do it in two seconds, but it's part of the process.

     He hasn't had any accidents in a long time. at one point he did regress for the better part of a week and had, like, three accidents a day all over himself and the couch, floor, kitchen chair, wherever. We went back to basics and did almost a "toileting schedule" and put him on the potty every 90 minutes and we fixed that problem in about a day.

     I still put a pull-up on him at night and a nap time, though nine times out of ten he's dry after nap and in the morning, so mostly its for mess prevention and convenience.

     Our biggest problem right now is poop. Most of the time, he out right refuses to poop on the potty. At the beginning of last week, some wind of fortune blew in my direction and he went on the potty for about three days straight and of course we made the hugest deal ever about it. Since then? Nada. At least he is considerate enough to go during nap when he's wearing a pull-up instead of messing his whole outfit. I've tried to read some things about kids who refuse to go #2 and I'm not finding anything definite or really helpful. I'm hoping he'll just grow out of it at this point.

     Next is Abby. I was hoping to train her by the end of the summer before the weather got too cold. I let her run around the house for two days with no pants like I did for Sam, but she didn't seem to be making the connection and we stopped. She picked out her own potty and underpants (yup, Despicable Me boy briefs), and she is definitely still interested in in so I'm thinking about trying again shortly.
   

Boomerang!

Where have I been?

Oh my goodness I did not expect to take the WHOLE summer off from blogging. Honestly the time that I spent on this thing just got overwhelming, especially the photos, which I suck at editing.

I really did like writing here and am planning to come back but mind my pictures because they will be strictly unedited lol.

So just a quick preview of whats to come: what we were up to all summer, how the first season of growing our own food went and plans for next year, a quick potty update (hint, he's doing fantastic), our continuing prep for possibly baby #3 (!!!), Sam's home schooling schedule.

Potty Journal: Week 3

This is probably going to be the last potty journal. He really seems to get it. 

At the very beginning of the week he had two accidents. I don't know if we were too confident or just forgot or what, but he peed once on the floor and then once sitting on my lap!! Ugh! I'd be more grossed out of I didn't have the professional body fluids conditioning that I get 3-4 days a week at work. 

He acknowledged the accidents and seemed a little upset, so I just reminded him gently that pee only goes in the potty and not on the floor. He hasn't had an accident since. We've been out to stores, the lake, Grammie's house, no pull up on just-in-case. I just watch for him to start dancing, bring him to the bathroom with the Prince Lionheart Potty Ring I got ages ago and he goes. 

Today he even started telling me he needs to go to the potty which is another huge step I think. He's never been huge on sharing his thoughts and feelings with words. He even sat and tried so hard to poop on the potty. I'm not sure if he just didn't have to go or what because after sitting for a little while and a little talking about it he gave up. 

So the only to-do's left in Sam's potty training are:

• Saying he has to go with consistency
• Walking over to the potty himself without being prompted
• Pulling his pants up and down
• Nap and night time dryness which really only comes with age

I'm so proud of us. I feel like we're battle worn now; that I've actually done some real parenting and everyone has come out of it feeling positive and our goal was accomplished. I'm putting a damn sticker on his chart for myself. 

Next up is going to have to be Abby. She's so ready to learn. She pushes Sam off the potty and wants to sit on it a thousand times a day. She hates being wet and tells me when she wants to be changed or when she's going to poop. And now she has big brother to watch. According to the readiness checklist in the Elizabeth Pantley book I mentioned in the last potty post, she's more ready than Sam was, but I didn't know what self esteem issues I'd cause by training little sister before big brother. Like I said, this one was touchy and scary for me. I wouldn't want to screw up and make Sam a serial murderer. 

And lets be honest, even if I was the worst potty training parent ever and Sam grew up to become a mass bomber or mall up skirt video taker, I'd still love him as long as he came home and told me about his day. 

52 Weeks of Toddler Experiences Week11: Lake Swimming

We've been planning a trip to the real beach at the end of the month for a while now but until then, I'm using the lake in our town as beach methadone.

We went early in the day on a weekday and since school isn't out yet we were the ONLY people there.

Look at Sam's face. All morning as I was packing and getting ready and all the way there he was saying "Beach time!! I'm so excited!" This post is mostly pictures of the kids playing and the day. I forgot how nice this lake really is since usually when we go its way too full of people.

And just one of my favorite no-nasties sunscreen.

11 Great Things about MY Preschooler

A few days ago on Facebook, I saw a link to an article (I think posted by Daily Mom), about the great things about preschoolers. I read it and its so sweet. 

11 Great Things About Preschoolers

I definitely got what the writer was saying about wishing away the littleness of her first child and being excited to move on to the next stage. I did the same thing with Sam. I couldn't wait for him to roll over, walk, talk, sleep through the night or whatever. Looking back, I think this is why I felt like I needed to have another baby so soon (they're only 20 months apart). I missed the little baby stage that I had wished away, but I think this is natural for first kids. 

A brand new parent wants to see her baby's first steps and first words and experience all of those firsts that are so exciting and we put so much value on as a society. Parents LOVE to compare at what age their kid hit all of these important milestones vs. other kids. It's nice to be reminded to live in the moment and suck up all of these little things while they're around forever. 

So without further ado, here are 11 great things about MY preschooler. 

___________________________________________________________

1. He thinks I can fix anything. Even broken sidewalk chalk. Which is not, in fact, fixable. 

2. He states the obvious. "Mama! I'm eatin' cookies in the bathroom!" "Mama! You have claws! And       bears have claws!" "Mama! Abby stinks! She pooped!"I get squeaky voice news bulletins about every 10-15 minutes on average. 

3. Everything is brand new, even if its not. Every time we go outside is like going to Disney World for the first time. Same with car trips, the store, toys he's lost and re-found. He sees life through perfect un-jaded rose colored glasses. 

4. He negotiates. He has an idea of what he really really wants. But he's open to negotiation. Two cookies ("Two cookies mama! One two!") can easily become one granola bar, or even string cheese if you make him feel like it was his idea the whole time. 

5. He's a teacher. He loves learning new things but more than that, he really loves showing them to Abby. So far he's taught her how to sit on the potty, wash her hands, and take the leaves off of strawberries and throw them in the trash. It really makes my life easy. 

6. He still cuddles. I mean obv. He's my 'best boyfriend.' I relish his hundred million hugs and kisses a day because I know there will come a time when it'll be like pulling teeth. 

7. He's a bookworm. Every night before bed we read. And read. And read. At times there is a pile of books next to his bed, and I can' ever tell him no more. He can also recite the Very Busy Spider and Brown Bear, Brown Bear. I'm so grateful he has a love of books and not screens. 

8. He knows how to relax. A man needs his rest. Sam's main chill spot is right in the middle of the couch, with a drink, and usually with his legs crossed. The latest addition of the all white briefs makes it perfection. 

9. He loves animals. Having compassion for creatures that need caring for is such an amazing quality to have and I think it shows so much more depth of character than holding only human interests at heart. 

10. He finds joy in little things. Bubbles, a hot bath, a handful of M&Ms, a really cool bug on the window screen, all still hold wonderment and happiness. He's not yet moved into the realm of material possessions or needing knock out over the top activities to make his day. I'm hoping to hold onto this for as long as possible. 

11. He's compassionate. If anyone sheds a tear of makes a sound hinting at distress, he's there with as many hugs and kisses and "it's otay"s it takes to make you feel better. He has a huge heart, and wants everyone to be as happy as he is. 

Potty Journal: Week 2

The last time I wrote about Sam on the potty I was aaaaalmost at the end of my rope. Frazzled. Frustrated. And I had no idea what to do next. 

Over the two days that followed, he had more accidents on the floor than he had been having initially. Lysol and paper towels were our best friends. 

Something has happened over the rest of week though. Something clicked for him. 

That peeing every ten seconds problem? Gone. 

The frustration and discouragement? Gone.

The really huge problem I thought we could never get over: peeing in his pants and not knowing/ caring? Gone.

It took the better part of a week of peeing on the floor and in his (super cool) new underwear, but with gentle reminders he now seems to know that pee doesn't go all over the floor or in his pants, but ONLY in the potty. He gets it. 

He now refuses to pee in his pants. In the past three days he has been totally accident free except overnight, which isn't really an accident as overnight dryness is about physiological growing, not understanding or executing a task. 

I still put a pull up on him at nap time and obviously at bedtime. Today though he did wake up dry from his nap but I'm still using pull ups just in case. 

Today we even went out to the store with my mom and brother, potty seat in tow. He started jumping around and wiggling so I knew he had to go. We went into the big, scary, (even for adults) public bathroom and he went! Right away! No sitting and coaxing for 15 minutes. It was awesome.

I feel like I'd been dreading this particular milestone since he was a baby. Its like, a BIG one. I know he still has a long way to go; he doesn't pull his own pants down or say that he needs to go using words, and poop is pretty much luck if it goes in the potty or not (but we haven't really talked much about poop yet) and I know that he still may regress and go back to having accidents, but I feel like we have a good foundation. He gets the concepts, he seems proud of himself for learning and I think now I have SOME clue what I'm doing. 

Things that Helped and Things that Didn't

*I loved the book The No-Cry Potty Training Solution. It totally goes along with my stress free, gentle parenting approach. Rereading certain parts really helped get through those initial dark potty days, after the initial enthusiasm wore off and before the success started to kick in. 

*A lot of places talk about hyping the whole new underwear thing, but honestly, Sam could take them or leave them. He really doesn't care about clothes and prefers being naked to anything. It definitely wasn't a huge catalyst to peaking his interest, but now he really likes wearing them.

*He did respond to the whole sticker chart thing. It's just a piece of paper taped to the bathroom wall. I got books and sheets of all different kinds of stickers and he gets to pick whatever one he wants. It's a nice little reward that doesn't cost a fortune or fill my house with junk. 

*TMI but the watch-and-learn method really works too. He watched both of us and we told him what was going on and then I propped up the mirror so he could watch himself and that helped him out too.

*Lastly and most importantly, the best decision I made through this whole thing was letting him run around naked and pee on the floor. Sure it was a mess and stressful, but n hindsight, I think this is what really got him to get what's going on with that "need to pee" feeling. 

Now he's free to relax like a little man. Tighty whities, chillin' on the couch with a beverage. 

52 Weeks of Toddler Experiences Weeks 9 (1/2) and 10: Blowies and Backyard Zoo

Some how last weeks just got away from me. I've been working extra to try to save up and take the kids to the beach at the end of next month, the weather was bad and I was in a funk. I wanted to make up for missing last week so we snuck outside before this afternoon's thunderstorms roll in to blow some of those puffy dead dandy lions around (I used to call them "blowies" when I was a kid) and to look for some friendly animals.

Blowies!

    I thought Sam was going to be more into this than he was as he's usually my little nature boy, but honestly how adorable are these pictures of Abby?

    She loved the "blowies" and only ate a few. When blowing them off was too slow she pulled the rest off and let them fly before moving them on to something else.

Back Yard Wild Animal Encounter!

     This one was almost purely luck. I knew if we hunted around the yard long enough we would find some type of creature to look at (we live near a brook and theres always something around). But what we found was totally perfect. Snakes are one of Sam's favorite animals (after sharks and dinosaurs of course) and we found a nice big fat, yet pretty docile, garden snake. 

     I tried not to aggravate it too much as I'd really like it to stick around for a while and get rid of some of the chipmunks digging huge holes in all my gardens. Sam loved it, and cried when it crawled back into the grass and out of sight and even tried to tempt it with a little frog we found later: "Here snake here! A frog snack!" Lucky for the frog, he didn't bite.

   Now that it's nap time and the clouds are getting thicker I'm glad I got them out before it rains for the next two days. So much for the lake day I wanted to do this week. 

A Potty Journal

     I. Am so. Exhausted. Never before has anything puzzled me to much as potty training. Sam is now three years old and current me resents former childless me for looking down on mothers who's kids were still in diapers after two. I remember thinking "my child will never be in diapers at three." Whelp, welcome to the real world ex-me, how do those words taste?

     A while ago I started reading online about how to start potty training a kid. We bought a potty about a year ago and showed it to Sam and were met with COMPLETE disinterest. He was obviously not ready, so we tucked it away, taking it out every few months to try again.

     Before his birthday we tried again, made a potty chart, got some potty board books and started hyping the potty again. I bought The No-Cry Potty Training Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, which is pretty in tune with the whole attachment parenting way of life. We started "potty learning," and he happily talked about the potty and sat on it with his clothes on, sometimes with his clothes off, but never actually did any peeing. I really feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I know all about potty training theory, like don't ever scold your child for having an accident, let them do it on their own time, stay upbeat and reward successes. But mechanically? No clue. I have so much anxiety over it because I feel like this is one of those do-it-right-or-your-kid-is-a-serial-killer parenting moments.

    Friday was my day off, followed by my weekend off so I felt that this was the perfect time for the full court potty press. I was super motivated. I told Sam the night before to say good bye to his diapers and that tomorrow he would get big boy pants and use the potty (which he did, which was adorable). Friday morning we woke up ready to rock. I changed his last diaper (tear) and put him in disposable training pants. I sat him on the potty every hour for 15 minutes at least. He didn't do one drop of pee on the potty all. Day.  As soon as he got off the potty he peed the disposable pants. Saturday we kept trying, and even went to the zoo with foamy potty seat in tow and he actually did pee on the zoo potty once. By Sunday I started thinking that maybe the disposable pants were too much like diapers, so we went to Target and got some of those old school white training pants with the extra layers and some super cool train underwear for later. He really likes his "unnaweeyahs" but it really didn't change the outcome too much. Monday and Tuesday I was at work and from all reports, the trend of sitting on the potty with no results and immediately peeing in the pull up (which I gave to my mom and Jeff's grandmother who watch the kids when I'm at work) or underpants continued.

Sam either doesn't know or care when he is wet in diapers and would never complain about it. I also had no idea when he was pooping. I knew this was going to be a hurdle when we eventually started potty training him. Because of this and because he didn't seem to make the connection between having to go and the potty when he had the trainers on, I took drastic measures. Yesterday, we started going pants free. Yes. Free wheeling buns all over the house. I was terrified and really hesitant to do it but honestly, its made all the difference int he world. He can SEE himself peeing and then all I had to do was associate that feeling with "quick! Run to the potty!" Last night was full of experimenting intially. I caught him pushing pee out onto the floor just to watch himself. After a few times though, he really seemed to begin to understand. He actually peed on the potty for the first time that I was sure wasn't just due to timing and then he did the most amazing thing: he came up to me and said "mama, have to go peepee potty please?" So I rushed him into the bathroom, placed him on the potty, and he peed right away and clapped for himself when he was done. Of course I made a HUGE deal about it and told him over and over why it was so amazing. Later on, he was playing by himself, and then quietly got up, sat down on his little potty in the living room and pooped. I was ecstatic. I'm so relieved that he really seems to get what he is supposed to do. He can associate that need to go feeling with sitting on the potty.

     Today has been a lot of reminding. He has many many accidents, but I'm trying to focus on getting him to pay attention to what his little body is saying and to take a break to sit on the potty. One thing that's still making me nuts though is that he pees so frequently. He pees like ten drops every ten minutes. What's up with that? When he sits on the potty he stays there for several minutes, so it's not like he's getting up too soon. I gave him extra milk this morning to increase the number of potty opportunities and it resulted in a hailstorm of pees on the floor. I feel bad that all morning revolved around accidents on the floor, reinforcement, cleaning up, and then more accidents. By noonish, he was feeling frustrated, I was frustrated, and he asked for a bubble bath to relax in (love that) which I happily gave him.

     After lunch he was must more relaxed. Abby on the other hand, has been beside herself that Sam is getting the majority of the attention. End result, everyone is having an early nap, including mommy. Today is one of those rainy dreary days where I have no motivation anyways. I need a break. And some time to reflect on how far we've come. Today there's pee in the potty which there hasn't been, he knows what's going on and what he's supposed to do. I'm off the rest of today and tomorrow also, so I'm hoping we'll be in a pretty good place come the weekend. I'm not expecting anything less than weeks to pass before he's completely day time potty trained, and am just looking for progress.

Friday Night BFFLs

  Let a 3 year old stay up way way past his bedtime and then try to take a picture and this is the result. Quality. 

Our Attachment Parenting Journey: A Second Chance and a Second Birth

To read Part I and Part II of this story, click the links. 
     
     After this discovery of the attachment parenting lifestyle, I began to feel comfortable as a parent. Confident, as if I had come into my own. All of these cliche things. 

     Jeff came home at the end of September that year, late at night one evening after Sam had been sleeping. I remember him peering in our bed astonished at how he had grown. He asked “But... why isn’t he in the crib?” I told him that this was how he slept. And he accepted it and we all got in bed and slept peacefully as a family for the first time in six months. Jeff was an instant father. All of the worries I had about the boys being separated for so long melted away as they became best friends. It was nice that he had no outside influences giving him ‘ideas’ about what parenting looks like, and he fell right in to our lifestyle without leaving me to feel judged. Sam slept in our bed every night. Some nights, he would start off in his crib, stretching and rolling around, waking up to jump around and then fall back asleep. But inevitably he would end up between us at some point in the early morning.

     When we found out we were pregnant with Abigail, we were elated. It had taken a little longer than Samuel, and I was over come with relief that my body was in fact working properly. The trip we took to Vermont when we were trying to conceive left all of us with wonderful family memories, but I was relieved I was finally pregnant. It was just before Sam’s first birthday.

     I immediately knew I wanted this pregnancy to be different. I was seen by a nurse practitioner for the first several weeks, after I was disappointed to find that there were no midwives in my area. I filled my mind with positive birth affirmations and read several books on natural childbirth and breastfeeding. I really liked the Bradley book, and practiced the exercises religiously. I walked with Sam in the stroller, ate healthy, and stayed positive. 

     As I neared my ‘due date’ my doctor began internal exams. He told me at 38 weeks that I still had an ‘unfavorable’ cervix. I thought this was good news, but it would seem I was wrong. He then began the induction talk. At 38 weeks! I still had 2-4 weeks to go! I was amazed. I told him that I absolutely did not want another induction and that I could go into labor on my own. His response was best described as a ‘we’ll see’ and my 39 week check up was the same as before. On my due date he scheduled a non-stress test where you lay semi reclined and very uncomfortable on a very narrow table with external monitors on, looking for contractions. I had none. In the exam room, my doctor told me that my cervix was still very high and unfavorable. I told him that I wasn’t worried, because I knew I was going to go into labor in 3 days; that I just had a feeling. He must have thought I was crazy or in a deep denial because he scheduled an ultrasound after agreeing to “allow” me to go another week without intervention. 

    Just as I had suspected, two days later I was in labor. At first I didn’t know I was. I thought I just had a stomach ache and gave Sam his bath and put him to bed like any normal day. As my belly ache got more intense, I texted Jeff saying that tonight might be the night. He asked if he should start heading home and I wasn’t sure. He works a two hour drive away, so I finally decided that yes, he should start heading home because even if I wasn’t in labor I would have his company. I sat tailor-style on the floor wrapping Christmas presents for my family; pictures of Sam in black frames. By the time Jeff got home at around 9pm I realized I was in full blown labor. I didn’t bother timing contractions because I couldn’t make myself care. The pains were intense and coming frequently, who cares what the numbers are? To deal with the cramps, I got in a hot shower and spent a long time in there letting the water rush over my back. When I got out I called my mom to start heading our way (she was going to sleep over with Sam) so we could go to the hospital. 

    In contrast to my previous scheduled induction, I was so happy to be experiencing labor on my own. I so missed having that “is this it? lets rush to the hospital in the middle of the night!” experience the first time around. I moved to a hands and knees position on the bed. The contractions were intense but I was so afraid to go to the hospital. What if I get there and I’m only 1cm? What if I’m left for hours strapped to those monitors not allowed to move? Then at 11pm my water broke and this rush of panic swept over me. First, it was meconium stained, so my dreams of laboring in the birthing tub or shower were dashed, and I was fearful for what it meant for the baby. Then, I remembered how intense the contractions got after my water broke with Sam. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle bringing my stuff to the car, the short ride to the hospital or walking in. I called my mom back and told her to hurry. She called her sister who lives right up the road to come until she got there, but they both came at the same time. 

    The less than 5 minute ride (seriously it was like a mile) to the hospital was torture. I was sitting in the car thinking of how grateful I was that I didn’t decide to deliver in Boston where the midwives are as I knew I wouldn’t have been able to tolerate the ride. We got to the hospital at around 1130 and I calmly walked through the ER waiting room (where I work) and waved to a few coworkers, trying to be the picture of serenity.

    Once on the maternity floor, the nurse gave my a johnny to change into and I remembered that I had wanted to buy a light cotton one from Dear Johnnies or some place to labor in instead. Too late now! I got on the bed and she checked me and I was surprised and to happy to hear that I was 7cm! All my hard work at home really paid off; there would be no pit drips on this girl! She also put external monitors on, but didn’t make a fuss when I wanted to labor sitting straight up sitting Indian style on the end of the bed. This was the only way I felt comfortable. At one point she DID make the comment “you don’t look very comfortable” and attempted to lay me back and put pillows all over me and one under each appendage. I immediately flashed to being stuck in that half reclined position for days on pitocin and jumped back up to my criss-cross stance. 

    As the contractions got more intense, I remember hugging Jeff around the neck with each one. At one point I wanted to bite him, and I think I actually tried. Between contractions though, no matter what anyone else says about birth, are lovely little pain free breaks, where you’re just a girl sitting on a bed. At one point I felt like my body was pushing. I wasn’t doing it, it was as if my body knew exactly what to do (funny huh?) The nurse checked me and yes, I was ready. It was about 1am I think. I had to wait for my doctor of course, so I sat in the same position on the edge of the bed not really trying to not push until he came. What I really wanted to do was just stand and push the baby out, or push kneeling on the bed. I knew it was coming, but when he came in it was immediately lay flat in lithotomy, feet up! I panicked. PANICKED! I started yelling “What? I don’t know that to do! What am I supposed to do?!” I was completely thrown off my flow. I don’t remember anyone really telling me, but I just started pushing the baby out. It hurt. It burned like no other. All I had heard was how contractions were bad and pushing felt great. I felt the opposite. I think I only pushed three or four times. I do remember reaching down and feeling the top of her head coming out because no one was telling me progress and I wanted to know. At one point I said “I never wanted a natural birth!” Which every one in the room knew was not true. 

    I saw the pediatrician come on the room (because of the meconium stained fluid). The one I disliked and still do. I will say that it is awkward giving birth in front of people you will continue to work with. But before I knew it, our precious girl was here. At 131am on December 7th, 3 days after my due date just as I had said. She went directly into the arms of the nasty pediatrician, and I feared another long exam. But he checked her over, gave a small ‘congrats’ half-wave and after I was sutured for a small tear, the nurse put her right back in my arms. 

     She was so wide awake and soft and sweet. I tried to nurse her and took to it right away (and hasn’t stopped for 18 months yet). Like it was easy, as if we had done it a million times before. I knew all of my reading had paid off. Then something magical happened. The nurse had me get up to go to the bathroom to get cleaned up, and when we were through, she put Abby back in my arms, shut off the nights and said “have a good cuddle!” Just like that!

No fights, no damning looks over ‘endangering’ the baby, no hiding our “alternate lifestyle” from strict staff. It was wonderful. And we did have a good cuddle AND a good sleep. We were both quite tired. 

    We woke up early the next morning and the first thing on my mind was getting home so that our little family was together. The nurses and OB didn’t seem to have much of an issue with it and by that evening around supper we were home.

     Adjusting to home life with Abby was so much easier than with Sam, even with a little guy under 2 running around. I think as a second time parent you are able to adjust your expectations to what works better for your family and your baby. This time I knew that she was going to sleep with me and be worn in a Moby Wrap during the day. I didn’t have those old anxieties about “spoiling” her or not being able to put her in a crib as she got older. I didn’t even try to put her in a baby seat until she was much older and when I did, she actually liked being in her little swing. We left the house plenty of times and wherever we went, whether it was the aquarium, Natural History Museum or the beach, or even just the grocery store, she was in the carrier, quiet, happy and looking around. I believe in the Attachment Parenting Book its referred to as ‘peaceful observation.’ This phrase describes Abby to a T. 

     I love these sweet memories of baby wearing at the beach, breastfeeding and baby wearing at the EcoTarium. Having a breastfed sling baby has made having a toddler so much easier. I have one arm free for him at all times. I don’t have to juggle bottles or a stroller, I can follow him around with Abby in the sling at his pace, holding his hand. 

    Another perk of AP is the amount of compassion that this style of parenting instills in children. In The Attachment Parenting Book, Dr. Sears says that when children know their needs are viewed as important and will be met with compassion, they then view other’s needs as important and pass that compassion on. I would say this is absolutely true and is one of my favorite qualities of Sam’s personality. His is the most loving little boy. He is so concerned about the happiness of others, especially his sister. He brings her snacks, blankets, when she (or anyone) cries or seems upset, he runs to her and asks “Whats wrong Abby? It’s ok!” and rubs her hair. He says “please” and “thank you,” “you’re welcome” and “excuse me.” He kisses her and shares his toys. He is generally a happy little sweet boy. I love that and I’m so glad that I listened to my instincts and ‘discovered’ this style of parenting, as I can now see the same qualities starting to emerge in Abby. She also at just one year old says “please” and “thank you.” She shares with Sam and gives out plenty of kisses and hugs. 

     I was worried as they got older, that I would 'run out' of ideas of how to parent this way; neither child sleeps with us anymore, Abby has been shunning the wrap and prefers to walk around solo. But I realize now that AP is so much more than when they're infants. Its gentile parenting, its a mind set. It's about holding a child through a temper tantrum, understanding that they are frustrated, not defiant or manipulative. Its about maintaining open lines of communication in ALL the ways they communicate. If anything, AP only expands as children grow older. 

     If you think the attachment parenting style would work for your family, or you just want to learn more, see the AP Resources links below:

• Attachment Parenting International
• Ask Dr. Sears
• The 7 Baby B's
• The Four Principles of Attachment Parenting and Why They Work- an article from Psychology Today
• The Man Who Remade Motherhood- the Time Magazine article about AP from May 2012
• The Benefits of Attachment Parenting for Infants and Children: A Behavioral Developmental View- a Harvard Medical School study posted in the Behavioral Development Bulletin