Our Attachment Parenting Journey; First Birth Story

       I was inspired to write this series of posts after describing The Baby Sleep Book and The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears, RN in the Book List post. Writing what I thought was going to be a simple book review began bringing up old memories and feelings for me from what was a very difficult time in my life. 

     Shorty after finding out that we would be having a beautiful baby boy in November 2010, we found out that Jeff would be over seas for the end of my pregnancy, possibly the birth and the first six months of Samuel’s life. We were both devastated. Instead of being excited to welcome our child into the world, I was fraught with anxiety over missing my husband, guilt over him having to miss all of the precious firsts that I would be present for and so frightened that I wouldn’t be able to care for Sam on my own. 

It's a boy!

        It was a very scary and frightening time. As I think about it, I still have a lot of anger and resentment that that sweet precious time in all of our lives was stolen. The first pregnancy and new baby as newlyweds is a once-in-a-lifetime thing that can never be replaced and we were not allowed to experience it. I had no idea what I was doing during my pregnancy. I knew I was vomiting, a lot, every day, but I didn't concern myself with learning about my pregnancy, educating myself on childbirth, infant care or what to expect after Sam was born. I thought that going to the OB for my check ups was all you were supposed to do, and I basically sailed through my pregnancy distracted over the loneliness I was experiencing with my husband so far away.  

     Thankfully Jeff was allowed to come home for three days to see Samuel come into the world. It was such a blessing at the time and such a surprise, that I knew being induced in these three days was essential to our family function. Even though I was a week before my due date and I was very unfavorable to go into labor I didn’t care. I needed my husband with me for the birth and I needed him to see Sam as a newborn before he left again. I would never chose a planned ‘premature’ induction for my family again. It took three days on pitocin for Sam to be born. It was unbelievably painful, scary and frustrating. I was confined to the bed and made to lay at an uncomfortable angle for the sake of the monitors. The nurses were rude to me, as if I were expecting the impossible and one even told me to just go home. Another said I would end up with a cesarean.  
     
     In the afternoon of the last day, I opted for an epidural, which I was determined not to have, but the contractions on pitocin were too much to bear. It didn’t work and took 7 attempts to place. I was also told not to use it as it would “drop [my] baby’s heart rate.” My water broke during an internal and was meconium stained, what I now know is a result of the intense contractions caused by artificial oxytocin.     A few hours later and after 30 minutes of pushing, Sam was born. Immediately after, pediatricians were called to the bedside, as well as several other nurses. I asked, frightened, if my baby was alright. I was met with that false “YUP!” and big grin that I use on family members when I have a very ill patient but have too many urgent things to do to be bothered to stop and give any explanations. I still don’t know what the term ‘punky’ describes, which was the only explanation I was given. Then the nurses took my baby away for the ‘routine hospital testing,’ first bath and circumcision that we had requested. 

Jeff co-sleeping with Sam before
we knew what it was.

       
     That night, when it was finally time to go to bed, the nurse told me to NOT, under any circumstances, sleep with Sam. She told me a horrible story about a baby who had fallen and gotten trapped in the side rail and died. I was encouraged to swaddle him in the hospital blanket and put him down in his artificial, plastic bassinet to sleep. I was left alone to try to breastfeed, assured that the lactation consultant would be in sometime the next day. I felt pressured to fill out the nursing log to their exact specifications, even trying to force Sam to nurse when it didn’t feel right. I was so happy that my little family was together at last, that I tried not to feel the sting of disappointment that I knew I had sacrificed the birth I wanted, that breastfeeding was not going well and I was constantly suppressing the urge to just get home where I could give him a bottle and not worry.
        
     The first night home was what I now know a perfectly normal night in that Sam did not stop crying all night. He would not sleep in his crib, he wouldn’t eat. Jeff and I were beside ourselves. We called the pediatrician at 3am saying certainly there was something wrong here, why was he crying so hard? Was he sick? In pain? The nurse on the other line end of the line said he was probably very hungry and to give him

a bottle. So we did. And he peacefully slept. And there ended breastfeeding. She also instructed us to bring him in first thing in the morning for a weight check. Which we also did. I now see how silly all of these things were. Of course he cried all night, he missed the safe warm comforts of the womb. He missed all of his needs being continually met. He was not ready to have been born but he was. We spent our last day together traveling to the pediatrician’s office for this weight check. Of course he lost weight. He was 2 days old, that’s what they are supposed to do. But we sacrificed this precious time together because we were fearful.
   
       In the very beginning of this well baby check, the nurse practitioner told be that after Sam was born he had a fever, and the cord had been around his neck several times, making him lethargic at birth. All of this was new information to me. Then she snapped at me words that I will never forget: “What, do you just hold him all the time? You have to put him down you know.” This was the moment I began distrusting the mainstream medical care culture and severely doubting my abilities as a mother. 

52 Weeks of Toddler Experiences

One of the reasons I decided to post to a public blog was to participate in the 52 Weeks of Toddler Experiences scavenger hunt hosted by Elena and Lexi at The Art of Making a Baby. It looks like so much fun! I always try to do something fun with the kids every week, even if its some simple fun at home, and this list is full of great ideas to keep little hands and minds busy. Since I didn't have this blog last week, I'll combine 2 weeks and 2 activities on the list: #17 Play in the snow and #28 make snow angels!
Or how about SNOW CASTLES?

The kids loved it. It was so beautiful out we went out without the layers of big bulky coats we've been wearing. The snow was heavy and wet and was perfect for making castles. 

Book List

This is a post from my private blog. Its a list of fantastic books on natural pregnancy and childrearing that I have read. I'll obviously be updating this as I read more, but for now this is a list of some of my favorite natural pregnancy, midwifery, birth books. The picture of the book is a link to it on Amazon.

  Birth Matters by Ina May Gaskin. An awesome “call to arms” and inspiring, pro-midwifery, pro-natural birth book that blew the lid off the maternity system in the US for me. It picks apart studies that are commonly used to scare American women away from home birth or natural birth and proved the majority of American maternity policies to be financially driven, or by fear of litigation. Very glad I read this after watching the Business of Being Born.

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon. I actually read this when I was pregnant with Abby. It’s very helpful as far as some simple stretching to do while pregnant to open up the pelvis and shows different positions to try while laboring. 

Breastfeeding Made Simple by Nancy Mohrbacher. I love this book. I wish I had read it before I had Sam. I feel like this book is the reason Abby and I are still breastfeeding and have really had very few issues. It’s simply written yet very informative, and I love the laid back style that dismisses times, intervals and durations that I hung on so tightly too trying to BF Sam, and when we did not adhere to them exactly, I felt like I was doing something terribly wrong and ended up giving up. 

The Breastfeeding Book by Dr William and Martha Sears. I love me some Dr. Sears. I actually read the iPad version of this book and I will be buying a paper copy soon. I just prefer traditional books, and I feel for some, the electronic versions don’t do them justice. This book was very informative regarding the science behind breastfeeding; exactly WHY it’s better for the baby, the chemistry and anthropology of the bond between breastfeeding mothers and babies, the breakdown of how formula effects the baby’s body and development vs breast milk. This book it more of an “in addition to” for a new breastfeeding mom, where as Breastfeeding Made Simple is the actual act of breastfeeding, broken down to mechanics and positions etc. 

The Baby Sleep Book. Another awesome read by my main man Bill. This was actually the very first parenting or baby book I read after night after night of Sam not sleeping, crying and fussing all night. I can’t remember exactly how I found it, because I was just looking for a solution as to why is my baby not sleeping peacefully in his crib all night like I had been lead to believe? I honestly thought babies slept in cribs. My mom, whom I was living with at the time (Jeff was deployed) was telling me that I just needed to keep “picking him up, hugging him and putting him back in” which I did because I had no idea what I was doing. One night we fell asleep together in my tiny bed and we both slept like logs. After that he slept with me every night and this book (and the Attachment Parenting Book) was the first voice telling me that yes, this is right for babies too.

The Attachment Parenting Book. This book was the second parenting book I read after the Baby Sleep Book told me that its ok to fall asleep with your baby, its called co-sleeping. This book said yes, theres a reason you want to hold your baby all the time, and wear him in his carrier instead of putting him in a bouncer seat or a sling. I found out that this ‘primal parenting’ thing, as I think of it, is actually a THING. Other people do it, its not just me. And actually, its beneficial to the baby, not detrimental as all those around me were saying. Its both informative to the chemical, physical and anthropological reasons to breastfeed/ baby wear/ co-sleep, but also gives tips on how to do so. Another iPad book that will soon join my real life library.

Welcome to Natural Mommy {In Progress}! This is the story of my journey from the typical Gerber mom to becoming more in touch with my 'natural mothering instincts' or as I call it, my 'primal mother.' It took me a lot of thought and consideration to post this blog publically. I started off writing a private journal type blog on my laptop, fearful to put my thoughts and opinions out over the intertubes. I'm posting here now to connect with like minded mothers and am completely disinterested in criticism or rudeness.
Here I'll mainly be talking about my family, breastfeeding, activities we do with the kids, natural birth, and other topics I'm passionate about. I have two beautiful children, Sam who is almost 3 and Abby who is 15 months.